7QT- Seven Things You Can Stop Saying to Your Single Friends

As if that title isn't long enough, the more accurate heading of this post would be-
A Public Service Announcement: Here Are Seven Phrases You Should Probably Think Twice About Saying Out Loud to Your Single Female Christian Friends Who Prayerfully Desire to Be Married.
But that seemed a bit much.

Found this Mister.  Not the one I was looking for.

I am almost 29.  I am single.  This tends to bring some interesting conversations into my spectrum.  Sometimes people say things that I know that they can't really mean, or words that they don't realize sound the way they do to single ears.  I am not upset, but think that maybe some people have been married too long to remember what it is like to be where we are at.  So for my seven quick takes this week, I thought I would put together the top seven things that we single people wish we didn't have to hear again.  I admit, I am a bit reluctant to pull this out of the draft folder because I don't want anyone to think this is written in anger (it's not) or about a specific person (most definitely not).  Maybe it will just start some conversations. 

Let's continue the discussion in the comment box.  Married friends, feel free to chime in with the things people like me need to forget from our vocabulary.  And single ladies, I'd love to hear the best quote meant to "encourage" you in your singleness! 

So here are my favorite lines, all real, all on the subject of my singleness:

~1~

"Don't worry, God has a plan for you."

Thank you very much.  I agree.  But I don't need it used as a platitude when I am being vulnerable enough to share my thoughts about the future.  Give me good advice, share your story, speak real truth, remind me to pray.  But don't give me lines from a greeting card.

~2~

"You are single?  Good for you.  Stay that way."

I am sorry that you are that bitter about the institution of marriage, but don't assume I feel the same.

~3~

 "It must be nice to have so much free time with no husband and kids to take care of."
(The negative runner up to this one is: "She can take care of it.  It's easier because she is single.")

Yes, being single usually gives us more radical availability than a woman who is married with kids.  However, remember that flexibility and free time are not the same thing.  Many of us single girls are trying to fill our time with good work and service, not soap operas and bonbons.  Don't look at our work and say, "Gosh, this girl needs to get a husband."

~4~

 "I just can't believe you're not married.  You are so awesome and wonderful and sweet and pretty!  
Why aren't you married?"

Good question.  Your compliment is appreciated and kind, but how am I suppose to answer this?  Maybe- "Thanks, I think I am awesome too, but apparently men don't agree."  There is no good way to respond.  We thank you for your nice words, but maybe think about how uncomfortable the conversation might be after you say them.

~5~

"You really need to try online dating/bar hop more often/lower your expectations/
meet my husband's-second-cousin's-neighbor's-single-son."

Know me well?  Recommend place that I could be socializing to meet new people.
Know me really well?  Set me up with a good man that has more qualifications for a date than "also single."
Know me really really well?  Call me out on the unrealistic things I believe or do relating to dating and marriage. Challenge me to be the woman I am suppose to be while waiting to meet the man God has in store for me.
Don't know me?  Maybe don't give me advice.

(A quick update- the same day that I posted this, a good friend who is trying out online dating through a Christian site was propositioned by a polygamist.  Yes, propositioned by a polygamist.  Online dating does not fix all woes.)

~6~

 "Sure you're not suppose to be a nun?"

This is for all the Catholic ladies out there.

For my Protestant sisters it might be something more like,  

"Might you be called to serve as a permanent  missionary at an orphanage in Uganda?"

The Vocation to Religious Life or other service is beautiful, and holy, and an incredible sacrifice.  I respect all who have given their lives over to Christ for the service of the Church.  However, remember we all have prayed and discerned and looked for the will of God.  You can invite me to consider Religious Life, you can encourage me to discern, but don't assume that being a Nun is some second-best life that I accept after not finding a man.  There is a lot more to it than that.

~7~

"Wow.  It must be awesome to have such a fulfilling career
/successful business/sleep through the night/time to travel/incredible hobby..."

Don't think we wouldn't trade it all.  In the end, the jobs, the hobbies, the travel, the recognition... they all mean nothing.  What will be lasting are the children created by a couple and God, the souls led to heaven within a family, the saints made by marriages.


Being single is hard.  Those of us that are honest know that marriage is harder.  But marriage is a work for sanctity, a pursuit of Christ that is done hand in hand with someone else.  The two become one with a single desire for heaven.  There is a great need for holy marriages in the world because the formation of the future takes place in the home.

So while I try to wait in a dignified and worthy manner, these common "single girl" comments and questions are hard to hear.  We single ladies are not all looking for Disney princes and Pinterest worthy weddings.  We are willing to make sacrifices and to model Christ & His Church within our vocations, just like you.  Hopefully, we can all work together for the Kingdom, even when as women (me included!), our words sometimes get in the way of our intentions.



For more Seven Quick Takes, probably all on a totally different topic, go visit Jen at Conversion Diary!